7|52 : His arms are my safe place

Week Seven

February 10, 2016

I took this photo the other day, not thinking too much about it.  But this photo holds so much more meaning for the days to come.

The kitchen is often where we have talk about our day when we are in between the busy points of cooking dinner.  We discuss things we learned, victories, little trials we had throughout the day.  And some times, he just hugs me.  The emotion in this photo looks like there is a lot more going on than there actually is.  I wasn’t having a bad day, it was just the moment of him hugging me. 

The following night I had a nightmare.  {one of those nightmares that involve dad.}  Thankfully, I was able to stop it before turning into a full blown terror.  I woke up, moved closer to D and snuggled into his back.  He knew what was going on (he’s experienced enough of them) and he rubbed my arm as I drifted back to sleep. 

A week after this photo was taken, I got news that there was movement in dad’s cancer and that the treatment he’s been on for the last 18ish months is no longer working.  I was sitting on the sofa with D next to me (unaware of what was happening because he was only getting half the conversation), while my mom was telling me this over the phone.  I was doing pretty well for the most part and then the tears began to fall.  I eventually got off the phone with mom and D scooted over and wrapped me in his arms as I sat there helplessly crying and shaking. 

He wasn’t there when my dad was diagnosed.  He wasn’t there when dad had both of his transplants.  He doesn’t know firsthand how ugly this can get.  But he is here now and I am so so thankful. 

The following day, dad had a bone morrow biopsy and now we wait to see what it tells us.  We should be getting the results this week.

On a funnier side note::  After I calmed down and D told me dad would be around for a few more years, this conversation happened:

D:  You probably want to have a kid now so your dad can experience being a grandpa. 

M: I’m not going to lie, it has crossed my mind a few times.

D: Yeah, I know….

No, we are not actively trying to have a child.  But I do want it to happen soon enough so dad can be there and experience at least one of my children.  Only time will tell….